HE TYPED...
ON MARK’S FIRST DATE IN HIGH SCHOOL IN MIAMI BEACH, HE WALKED HIS GIRLFRIEND TO HER DOOR THEN SHOOK HER HAND GOOD NIGHT. THREE WEEKS LATER, SHE DUMPED HIM BECAUSE HE WAS TOO SHY TO KISS HER. AT AMHERST COLLEGE, HE MAJORED IN ENGLISH, MINORED IN NEUROSCIENCE, AND FOUNDED THE IMPROVISATIONAL COMEDY GROUP, MR. GAD’S HOUSE OF IMPROV, NOW IN ITS 20TH YEAR. HE BRIEFLY DATED A COMEDIENNE IN THE TROUPE, UNTIL HE SURPRISED HER WITH A SPRING BREAK VISIT, STOPPING ON THE WAY TO EAT A TAINTED HOT DOG. AT HER PARENTS’ HOME HE VOMITED ON THE RUG AND ON THEIR DACHSHUND. BY SENIOR YEAR, HE WAS WRITING, ACTING, DIRECTING AND PRODUCING PLAYS, SINGING BASS IN AN A CAPPELLA GROUP AND FINALLY GETTING THE GIRL. A DECADE LATER HE RETURNED TO MASSACHUSETTS FOR AN MFA IN PLAYWRITING AT SMITH COLLEGE, AN ALL-GIRLS INSTITUTION. THERE HE MADE A GREAT FIRST IMPRESSION BY IMMEDIATELY BEING CAST IN THE ROLE OF THE INCESTUOUS CHILD MOLESTER UNCLE PECK IN HOW I LEARNED TO DRIVE. HIS PHOTO APPEARED ON THE POSTER ALL OVER CAMPUS WHERE IT WAS SCRAWLED WITH THE WORD “ASSHOLE.” HE NEVER KNEW IF IT REFERRED TO HIM, UNCLE PECK OR MEN IN GENERAL.